scite vias lucias

Physical and Psychological Assessment

     First week of vacation, first week of a sense of fulfillment, and the joy of freedom – now that school has ended, what does it all really mean?  Am I obligated to slack off and enjoy myself by drinking my summer away and hanging out with friends?  Or does this serve as a purpose to further expand my knowledge as a student of natural philosophy?  Truthfully, one of the things I hate the most is wasting time and not making use of myself.  The idea of having a sign over my head that reads, “Not of Use” is what I imagine when I have too much free time, when I’m not doing anything constructive.  In the next three months of vacation, I want to take myself to the next level, and engage in self-improvement, both: mentally and physically.  However, I want to take a step back and reflect upon a few memories to remind myself in the purpose of wanting to overcome and achieve.

     Over the course of my past years, I wasted too much in being caught up in hedonism, always expecting to have fun.  Reading, writing, and studying has always felt like a burden on me, but over this past year, I’ve been able to come to my senses that this kind of “fun” I was having, isn’t the true meaning of life – eating junk food, gossiping with friends, and doing NOTHING applicable to a future career.  Life is a lot different.  Life is filled with both: pain and happiness.  The meaning of happiness is when I’m able to overcome life obstacles, to be present with the people that depend on me and need me the most – sort of like a guardian angel (in a non-religious manner).  So why now, and not back then while I was a younger child?

     I’ve never been a cocky person, but at a young age, I was raised in an extremely rough environment, where I always had my ego checked.  My father was a great person, but terrible father who did NOT know how to raise his three sons (me being the youngest).  From the time I was born, I was always susceptible to child-abuse, usually with a bats, chairs, and being thrown around like a candy wrapper.  Child slavery was present when my oldest brother was inept of understanding brotherhood, so after my father passed away, when I was ten, he took over as “Man of The House,” whatever that means.  I was beaten, and I was scared to come home all the time, and sometimes, I wish I died or were born into a different family.

     At an early age, I was raised to be humble and not be a dick.  I had witnessed all of the horrible things imagined by the time I was in middle school.  I saw my mother get beaten by my oldest brother, I saw my grandmother get beaten, and I saw my oldest brother doing hard-core drugs all the time until he was finally arrested for domestic abuse, child-abuse, violation of restrain in order and possession of narcotics.

     What surprises me the most is how I never ended up using drugs or rebelling against my own mother, and become like a teenage menace to society.  From that point on, I realized that I needed to show more affection to my mother – a woman who worked three jobs: two full-time positions, and a part-time position at Burger King on the weekends.  She never slept much after my father died, and instead of being emotionally distraught, she flipped burgers, worked at as a seamstress for a mattress company, and was a hotel room-service keeper.  She decided to keep swimming instead of sinking.  When she worked, she put her family before her pride, as one can imagine, how flipping burgers as a middle-aged woman can be.  She viewed work as opportunity and not as dignity.

     When I’m reminded of this, my eyes water, imagining all the pain and suffering that this has woman was endured.  This woman is my mother, who continues to provide for me today, in which I’m very thankful for.  Her life is more physically and mentally demanding than all my years of existence in this entire planet.  I’m mature enough to take this in and project a better manifestation of what I need to do in life.  I need to stay in school, enjoy what I’m currently learning: science and I need to find a career one day that well-translates into this passion of learning science.  So realize that I really enjoy taking care of others, and helping them in ways that can improve their psychological and physical health.  My past history is dauntingly painful, and serves as a purposeful-reminder to this.

     My physical and mental health attests to this, as I constantly strive to move forward in my life, always striving to be more educated, and always striving to be more physically fit.  My level of commitment in life comes from a popular quote that someone once said, “A man [or woman] can either be beaten in two ways: it’s either he [or she] gives up, or dies.”  Everyday I’m constantly reading, and working –out.  I’m always engaging in ways how I can deal with high-stress in emotionally traumatic situations.  Again, when you’re raised around a stressful-environment at a young age, this becomes a solution to your future well-being, or you can be a drug addict, escaping the mental aspect to life, by being heavily sedated and seduced into artificial happiness, which is common at my age.

     In conclusion, I have to be someone different.  I have to be someone dependable to my loved ones and to the people I serve in society, this is my way of giving back and being appreciative of living.  While I was on Youtube the other day, I watched a documentary which featured a good quote that I liked, “It takes a kind of special person to survive in a world that chaotic, with that much pressure; it’s physically difficult, mentally demanding, [and] you have to be made with a dysfunctional personality.”  I’ve been pegged as a funny, ugly, nice, humble, strong and cynical.  My explanation to this is fairly simple, which is the general overview to my up-bringing.  What am I suppose to be?  America’s Next Top Model?  Dancing With the Stars?  Instead, I prefer to be someone educated and literate enough to understand life at the scientific level and at the psychological level, and someone who has a real purpose as oppose to chasing girls all the time and looking for ways to kill time playing the new Diablo III, or Call of Duty.  Serving, healing, protecting my loved ones is my call of duty – this is where the real joy of happiness in my life comes from, able “To Be of Use.”

Damn, oh well, that was it!  I’m done.  I only wish I could’ve answered the the last question right, but I guess that’s why they save the best for last.  I feel a bit bummed out in a way; I really enjoyed my bio class.  I had an amazing teacher that not only inspired me, but was able to answer all of the questions I had in a thoroughly-sophisticated manner.  This, I presume, won’t be the end though.  I’ll be looking forward to taking more courses in the future, and continue to be amazed and inspired by these kinds of instructors.

On my way out of class, my teacher pulled me to the side and asked if I had gotten the internship.  I told her it was quite an intimidating experience, I was interviewed by a guy that claimed he was a biologist since he was a baby in his crib, with a book on Avians.  My teacher then asked who this guy was, that interviewed me.  I told her:

He professed that he had collected beetles and butterflies at ten years old, worked as a biologist at fifteen and traveled to the Galapagos Islands at nineteen — visiting all forty-four islands.  With an impressive resume like that, I had asked if he attended Cal, as in the University of California, at Berkeley, and he retorted, “Yeah, I went to Cal — Dominican University of California!”  Then he told me that he discovered this well-known bird around the bay area, and that he is very well-respected in the scientific community, travels to many different countries, educating people about ecology.

She said to me, “So I assume that he didn’t want you as an intern for the summer?”  And I told her, “Nope.  I still work three other jobs at the moment, but it is a crappy feeling when you’re passionate in learning a subject, but the employer is unconvinced.”  I did feel bad and sort of embarrassed when I told her of this, but she said to me, “Don’t let one person with a big ego deter you from pursuing your dream! Keep in touch and let me know if you need a letter of rec!”  The feeling was validating after she uttered those words, and shes right, I shouldn’t.

To be honest, I don’t think the guy even has his masters or any credentials to pursue any serious research, which is why he’s director of ecology and not really so much of an actual Ecologist with a Masters of Science (M.S.) or Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D) degree.

For now, i’m going to have an open-mind when it comes to opportunities in life, in both, education and work experience.  I’ll take this with a grain of salt and move on, and use this experience as a stepping stone.  Thanks.

After this Wednesday, I’ll be done with finals and I’ll probably have somewhat of a life again.  But somehow, I feel like a fortune-teller, aiming to predict my life for this summer:  read, study, summer school and work.  However, I’ll try and make the best of this.  I won’t take these opportunities for granted.  By now, i feel like I have most priorities set-out to a unique rhythm.

I’m waking up a lot earlier, and receiving much better sleep.  Rarely am I sleeping very late like I use to.  I told myself that I was going to make drastic life changes, and will return back to a more social state when that happens.  My diet seems to be right on track as well.  Everything is balanced out into equal portions of dietary needs.  Working out seems to be funner and funner.  Last Friday, I wanted to put out more effort, and as a result, I was sore as hell the next day at work.  All of this, feels wonderful, even if it’s mentally and physically demanding.

Testing my limits is what I’m all about, reaching to a state of improvement is what I’m constantly yearning to achieve.  Everyday, I’m currently striving to improve myself by 1%.  And still, my coffee habits are a bit strong, but it’s not really a big deal, since it’s not like it gets me in trouble to have a cup.  In fact, every time I have a cup of Philz or Blue Bottle Coffee, I feel like Captain America, or even Iron Man — ready to rock and roll, whether it’s studying or more challenging workouts.